Don't try to be the Buddha (Christ). Just be yourself for that is the Buddha.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Fast sketch of Chris & Emafe Rice.

Sometimes our society or at least the part of society I grew up in teaches people to have goals. The philosophy is that without a goal, a person will get nowhere. But I am starting to believe that somewhere is worse than Here.

When we don’t have a goal, we are more fully ourselves. We enjoy life, our family, our friends and most of all ourselves. Goals might be good sometimes, especially since having a goal ‘To Not Have Goals’ is just the same thinking pattern all over again. But lets not get so caught up in goals and enjoying ideas that we forget to see the real thing, Reality, staring us in the face and waiting for attention.

Words are symbolic and in many ways words are metaphors since everyone who reads this will have their own interpretation. But one interpretation for the word God is Reality. It is the only thing that is real, everything else is false.

Sketch of Emafe Rice.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Chris & Emafe Rice
Emafe met me at the Manila Airport with her aunt and cousin on August 29th, 2009. After our time in Manila we flew to the province and got picked up by her parents and brothers. I still remember seeing the never ending rice fields and coconut trees lining the highway with the wind blowing towards me and the fast motion of the multicab I was in. It was surreal, especially since I hadn’t yet been to a country like the Philippines.

Once in her hometown, we visited with her other relatives, her Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, etc. But one of the first things Emafe did was clip my toenails. I am not very clean when it comes to things like that and in the Philippines I guess it is more important. I am usually busy looking straight in front of me so I don’t spend that much time caring for and looking after my feet. That could be why I needed them clipped so badly.

Anyways, it was awkward getting my nails cut by someone else for the first time. It almost felt like she was going to cut my toes since she used a nipper to trim the skin around my nails. It felt a bit frightening and still does, even though it doesn’t hurt that much. But I am finally getting used to it.

I am now making it a habit of saying Yes the moment Emafe is ready to cut my nails, and I am making an effort to do other things that make me feel uncomfortable. ‘Exposure therapy’ is one of the best ways to relieve slight and mild cases of anxiety. I recommend it for people who get a feeling of discomfort, anxiety or stress from things, thoughts or feelings they are avoiding.

Emafe clipped my nails today.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Our dog, Gabby.

Sometimes when I notice an animal I see a dog, cat or a bird. And sometimes I can look at Gabby the dog and I sense some sort of reflection, like a mirror. I see something similar in his eyes and mine. He doesn’t walk upright, talk English or have a wife, but I can see a part of myself when I look in his eyes. Especially in this photo. I can notice the same thing in the cats we used to care for.

Some people say that Love is a form of attachment, other people say that it is seeing yourself in another person, animal or thing. I don’t think it matters what the word means but I can sense some sort of connection between me and everyone & everything else. It isn’t that strong but looking at photos like this one makes it stronger.

There is a doorway that leads to the End of Suffering, and Mankind is almost there.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

This is a church at the Monastery.

I visited a monastery with Emafe and her family the other day. The location was silent and solemn with trees, open space and a small prayer room. As a family we took time to sit, walk and reflect. Most of us wrote prayers on little paper cards. Renz even wrote a prayer asking God if he could go to Heaven with his family. Someday he’ll know that Heaven is only revealed when Heaven and Hell, Good & Evil, Happiness & Sadness (a.k.a. Reality) are seen as a package deal. The Kingdom of Heaven is Here, and it was always here. It was with us all the while.

Beyond the concepts of Good & Evil, Satan & Christ, Life and Death is God. It cannot be explained in words but it can be experienced. Desperation for such an experience guarantees it will happen.

I love the open space here.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Emafe's Dad in his store.

I have had a good time since I moved to the Philippines. Distance has been a slight issue, since I am away from friends and family members that I grew up with. But in terms of Self-Growth and Personal Development, I had no choice but to move to the Philippines.

Life is simpler Here. I am sure there are places in the United States like the Philippines and even simpler if you compare Amish communities with cities in PH. But the crowd I was with in the United States wasn’t simple. Keep in mind that there is nothing essentially wrong with being complex, it is a matter of preference, not Right or Wrong.

The two most influential people in my life that help(ed) me do this is Emafe and her Dad. Her Mom, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends and everyone else I was introduced to played an equal role. But it is Emafe who helped me appreciate animals, her Father who helped me appreciate plants, and both of them showed dedication towards helping me improve my health, lifestyle and understanding. Everyone did, but looking back, it seems like the two of them took leadership positions.

Emafe is a leader, just like her Dad. And I owe the two of them something money can’t buy, Love, Joy and Understanding in One.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Renz is practicing his photobombing skills in the background :)

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Sometimes in the midst of noise there is a quiet presence, a sense of peace where all joy and love can be found. This is what I am learning. I am learning the art of finding peace, of noticing peace as it is, at all times in every situation and circumstance. But I am not there yet. I am still getting there, or to put it another way, I am getting Here from over there.

I have spent much of my life focusing on thoughts. Thinking of the future in the best times and of the past in the worst times. But I am starting to get better at focusing on the Present, the Gift that God gave me, the present.

(Note to Emafe: This is the gift I told you about when I was sick.)

I am noticing Zac more, even though he is still in Emafe’s tummy, and I am noticing Emafe more. I am slowly waking up from the dream called The Future and waking up to now called Reality. I hope all of us will do this, and do it together. This is how we find peace, not only for our hearts, but for our friends and family.

May the world know the world as it is, Perfect.

Monday, May 15, 2017

This is a poem I made that can mean more than one thing. It is subjective and ambiguous on purpose. Not necessarily out of cleverness, but the Truth itself is ambiguous and to such an extent that it seems subjective.


I Am

Before the Universe, I Am.

For I am Nothing.

In need of nothing.

In search of nothing.

In fear of nothing.

I stand on my own.

I am Nothing.

I am the Universe,

I Am.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Nottingham Building in Camella Northpoint

I visited Camella Northpoint yesterday with Emafe to pick up the keys to our condo unit. It was an investment we made in 2012 to help us save money. But now that I am older and have lived in the Philippines for over 7 years, I am no longer interested in purchasing real estate. Paying the taxes is a hassle, maintenance is a hassle and renting it out to someone else would be a hassle. That is one of the reasons why Emafe and I sold the house we purchased in Davao City (too much work with not enough benefits). But that might be related to my personality or diagnosis.

Since I wrote about my diagnosis a lot has changed. I have come to accept that I experience avolition and my wife has accepted it too. So things are smoother now. I sleep a lot, help when I can but I don't worry about the things I am not good at. I still do my best but I learned that I cannot force myself to do better than I can. I either can or I can't, and I understand now that it is good to do my best but that my best is all I can do. I guess I am trying to say that I know my limits now (on a moment-to-moment basis). I think that is a good thing.

Liverpool Building of Camella Northpoint
The building of our condo unit is nice. There are big windows on the side of the building that lets in fresh air during the day. And even though I haven't visited the building at night I am almost sure it has a pleasant cool breeze then too.

One of the best parts about the condominium complex is that the community is covered in pine trees. I love plants so I am happy that I have a place to relax and view some nice trees. The trees are especially pleasant to view from the clubhouse and the doorway sized windows. I think I will bring plastic chairs when I stay there so I can sit outside with Emafe and look at the view. I am happy to say that the air was fresh too, at least during our last visit.

Emafe and I visited the OBGYNE today for one of her regular checkups.

Now the last part of this post. I wrote a letter to my son but I never updated the news that Emafe is pregnant! At least not on my blog. So now it's official, Emafe is over 5 months pregnant and soon, at the perfect time, Zac Lucas Rice will be born and the two of us (Emafe and I) will be first time parents. If you remember, I was big about .XYZ domain names a little while ago. But coincidentally, Zac has XY chromosomes and Emafe nicknamed him 'Z' on her Instagram account. So somehow, someway, I got exactly what I asked for. I just didn't know at the time that Zac was my dream, Zac is what I was waiting for, and Zac is what my wife and I were waiting for together. 

I am happy I will be a father soon, and someday I hope to walk him around the condominium community we own a unit in. It is a beautiful place and reminds me of when I was young and went camping at Redwood Glen

Sunday, May 7, 2017

I loved you before I fully loved myself. But through you I am learning to love myself more and more everyday. And because of you, I learned that's what the world needs. That's what I need, and that's what my friends and family need. So thank you for being a bright light in what initially seemed like a dark world. I love you 😊

Happy Anniversary, Love Emafe.
(I posted this in Facebook on April 30th, 2017)