Reading, Writing & Re-writing.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Targa Trophy Porche 

For those of you who do not know, I have been suffering from an illness that got me discharged from the military in December of 2005, two days before Christmas . It has left me mildly fatigued, depressed (not unhappy but with a lack of interest), and with severe bouts of avolition.

For friends and family who know me but do not live with me, I look fine. I can walk, talk, eat and go out for special and random occasions. But in the comforts of my own home, I am not fine. I have not carried out any of our household responsibilities that required fair amounts of time or consistent effort. And I have only been able to show people I care about them in heart (for the most part) as opposed to showing them with constant and repetitive actions.

I know that it is good for a person to accept themself and know their position in life, but being hard on myself is the only way that I can find the motivation to improve myself and find a better way.

I know this blog post is really intense and it is very personal, but I wanted to share this with the people who did not know or understand my situation.

These are the things that I want to accomplish on a daily basis without ever stopping. For some of you, the first few steps might seem easy, but I have not even done half of step 1 for five percent of the time since I moved to the Philippines (I had less responsibilities when I lived in the United States).

So that is where I am. Although I am behind a lot of other people in life, I am determined to get ahead, not in relation to other people but in relation to myself.

These are the list of goals that I have and they are the things that I want to accomplish as a man and a husband. I want to do these things so that I can live a good life and give a good life to those I love. 

Goals to Accomplish and Maintain by 2017

1. I want to be able to clean up after myself and our whole household on a daily basis

2. I want to be able to do a lot of things for my wife on a daily basis such as helping her with her work & projects or doing things like giving her a massage every night. She needs massages for her health and well being since she gets sick without them. It may be a stress or mental thing but she needs to receive them either way.

3. I would like to be able to handle all of our responsibilities on a regular and continuous basis (i.e. tourists visas, paperwork, immigration visas, taxes, household needs, fixes, etc. etc.)

4. I would like to be able to cook three meals a day and anything we need in between. I want to be able to work really hard and do what I want to do.

5. I would like to be able to do favors for friends and family such as giving them website advice, downloading things for them and sending them information about things that they need.

6. I would like to be able to find a profession that I can do, do well and make enough money to earn my own keep.

To my dear wife, Emafe Rice. . . 

Thank you for loving me and staying with me through all of my troubles. And thank you for supporting me and always encouraging me to do and be better, from step one all the way to step two. 

You have been and are my biggest inspiration and I will always look up to and admire the effort that you have put forth, from birth to where you are now. You have accomplished wonders my love and I am your biggest fan!

I love you :)

- Christopher


  1. I am saddened because of your dark yesterday Chris. And I am so proud knowing you as sweet and loving person, who is an alien (foreigner) to a filipina like Emafe. I knew only few who have big hearts to their pinay wives. God is awesome especially to people like you.

    Stay happy!


  2. @Alberto Egot

    All of us have had our share of struggles and challenges but let's hope that all of us who are making an honest effort with good intentions will be rewarded with a happier and more pleasant life.

    My life is so much better than when I was younger and so many people have helped me along the way. I hope that I can honor all of you by taking my life a step further and living an active and productive life!

    Thanks for commenting Albert, and so you know, I am always happy to see your works on the net :)

  3. Chris, its Er from youtube :) I watch your vlogs and I can see you are interested in real estate... i think you will be good at it :) why don't you try doing that if in case you want to pursue something like it since u did mention it in your goal no. 6. i hope you get encouraged by it :) good luck!

  4. @ER (Ellen Rose S.)

    Here's my second time replying. I got caught up in excitement the last time and wrote without really thinking.

    Real estate is one of my biggest passions so you're right to suggest that. But I can't sell real estate in the Philippines (I'm not a Filipino citizen) and real estate in the U.S. is completely different.

    But I am currently creating an investment website with one of my friends and if it ever turns into a business I would like to cut a lot of my disability payments. But that's in the way distant future.

    It would need to become a high traffic authority website first and we'd have to partner with Filipino investors to create a corporation (yeah, distant future).

    I'm not going to be able to make anything from it in the first few years but if I'm able to help create something successful and it becomes a profitable business.. well.. one of my dreams would have come true. :)

    Thank you.

  5. I hope things get better for you and your family. You and Emafe seem to be really good people.

  6. @Rae

    Thanks Rae...

    Things have gotten a lot better since Fema has gained weight. We are encouraging each other to exercise and she is eating a lot more so it doesn't hurt as much if I am not helping (I know I should).

    I wrote this blog post at a time when I was fighting to get better but I eventually realized that I will always be fighting to get better until there is a cure.

    So I am trying to be more realistic, focus on strengths instead of weaknesses and learn the things I can't do and the things I can.

    That way I can start doing the things I can and stop trying to do the things I can't.

    Thank you for reading. I think I have some happy posts on here to. They are not all gloomy :)

  7. Never to be to hard on yourself. Take one step at a time. Wake up with a smile in your heart and thanksgiving and appreciation of the blessing you have.